


Silence Him

by ILoveMisha2



Series: The end [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5.04, Camp Chitaqua, Croatoan, Destiel if you squint - Freeform, Lucifer - Freeform, Other, Supernatural - Freeform, The End]
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3796339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know we have a job to do tomorrow, right? Killing Lucifer won’t be easy, Cas, you have to be ready for that shit.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence Him

He finds you in the dark of night outside the gates of his camp. He doesn’t ask you what you’re doing there and you’re grateful for that. He sits down next to you weaponless like you and you raise an eyebrow in surprise. He shrugs back silently as you lift the cigarette to your lips again and move your eyes back to the darkness in front of you.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” He states.

The night seems to grow colder as he says that and that’s just what you wanted. A deep breath is exhaled from you and you lean back on your elbows, cigarette still burning. He looks back at you, waiting for an answer that you want to tell him is none of his business. He doesn’t deserve one right now but you give an answer anyway.

“I know but obviously I don’t care.”

“The Croats could’ve gotten you.” He challenges.

That makes a grin spread across your face because what are you if you’re not grinning.

“That’s the point, Dean.”

He looks at you like you’ve lost your mind. You think you both have but you refuse to comment and give him more than he deserves. He shakes his head, he does that a lot towards you.

“Okay, Cas.”

He says it like he’s tired and utterly unconcerned. You hope what he’s showing you right now is true. You hope he’ll never ask you any real questions and you think he hopes the same from you. So far you both are doing stand-up jobs at being assholes. He speaks up once again just to prove to you that he can’t leave well enough alone.

“You know we have a job to do tomorrow, right? Killing Lucifer won’t be easy, Cas, you have to be ready for that shit.”

You roll your eyes and snort weakly while you cross your legs and do your best to look uninterested. You can’t let him know that you’re really scared as hell but not for yourself. You’ve followed him this far so you couldn’t, wouldn’t back out now but you almost want to. You almost want to wave that white flag in front of his face because you don’t want to see him die. It’s selfish you know that you’d rather let him face Lucifer alone than go along and die with him. You know though that if he didn’t come back which is more likely that not that you’d follow right behind him as soon as the news hit you. But you’re going with him; you’re following him once again like the good little soldier you’ve become for him over the years.

“If you’re telling me I should be afraid of dying you can stop now. I’m not afraid of that.”

“You’re not?”

“No, if anything I’d welcome it.”

And what you said was true. If death came to you there isn’t any way you’d fight against him as long as Dean was already gone. He stared at you like he’d never see you again and something in you knew he hadn’t truly seen you in a long time just like you hadn’t really seen him. That wasn’t the issue now though, Lucifer was. Dean wanted to kill Lucifer. The only problem was that Lucifer was using Sam. You didn’t know if Dean could handle killing him, not because you thought Dean was weaker because that wasn’t the case, but because you knew he couldn’t kill Sam. He couldn’t even say his name anymore, not since the day he had said yes. He acted like Sam was dead to him but you knew he was far from that. He was the ache in Dean’s heart, the drive to get revenge, the reason Dean was still breathing because he wasn’t breathing for these camp members and he sure as hell wasn’t breathing for you. You can’t wait for the day you die because you are already there and you know he doesn’t care because he feels the same and no matter what he says, it is about Sam. He put that on Sam. He put that on him and didn’t think twice about it but only because he didn’t want to think. Dean never wanted to think of things like that.

“You’d welcome it? Okay, good.”

You had to smile at his attempt to brush it off with an offhand tone that was supposed to make you feel all types of hurt. Nothing was ever ‘good’ to him. Good didn’t exist anymore; you know he wished that it did. It’s not like you could tell him you wanted to live forever because that was a lie but you also couldn’t tell him that you did want to die because that would be a lie too; you just couldn’t do that to him so you settled for welcoming death because that was true.

It was true. This wasn’t about pitying yourself or him; this wasn’t about who wanted to die and who didn’t. This was just about redemption, one that would never come. Neither of you had any redeeming qualities and nothing to save. Redemption was damned.

“It’s too late for redemption, Dean, if that’s what this mission is.”

“It’s not about redemption, it’s about justice and- I don’t have to explain it to you.”

“You don’t believe that. You can lie to the camp members but not me; don’t forget we were friends once, not just allies.”

He sat quiet for a moment; didn’t know how to react to you. He was remembering that much was clear. He was remembering the moments of friendship and loyalty that didn’t belong with the word ‘allies’. His eyes were conflicted, for you or for what you said you’re not sure. You looked down to try and release yourself from what you were about to say and when you looked back up he reigned in his feelings as if stopping a storm and looked you dead in the eye like you meant nothing to him.

“I never asked for your friendship.”

“You didn’t have to, it’s okay.”

He gave you a slight nod which you knew was a dismissal and turned away. You didn’t want to know what expression was marring his face, not this time.

“I-I’m sorry.” He said.

He said it so sincere that you wished you could’ve given him something, anything that would change what you both had become, but you couldn’t. All you could give him was familiarity and devotion. It’s all you had left.

“I know.”


End file.
